Imagine this scenario: Your teenage
daughter casually announces that she and her best
friends are taking off on a weeklong road trip for
Spring Break. You listen in horror as she waxes euphoric
about "the freedom of the open road." She's
dreaming of a road trip movie: an exciting odyssey
with a cast of new friends, a thrillingly handsome
leading man and no parents in sight. You, on the other
hand, are thinking Freddy Krueger. You can't shake
the idea that your lovely daughter will never return
home.
Stop right there, and remember this truth
about road trips: Many are dreamed, but few are taken.
This is true not only for teenagers lusting for independence,
but for would-be adventurers of all ages. Who hasn't
had the delicious idea of jumping behind the wheel
and leaving all cares behind?
So before you panic, wait and see if
your teen's road trip is just a passing fantasy. If,
instead, it seems that a genuine, tire-on-pavement
plan is emerging, consider the following strategies
to preserve your teenager's safety -- and your own
sanity.
1. Get past the fear. In my work
as moderator of The
Great American RoadTrip Forum, I have frequent
dialogues with parents who are terrified by the prospect
of their kids hitting the road. Know that your child
is probably frightened, too, though she may choose
not to recognize that giddy sensation as fear. To
help transform fear into useful energy for both of
you, try the "always ask, never tell" technique:
Instead of launching a salvo of rules and demands,
which would only create an instant confrontation,
ask some questions. For example:
- Where would you go?
- Who would you go with?
- Whose car would you take?
- Where would you stop?
- How would you pay for the trip?
- When would you be back?
- What are your goals for this adventure?
Planning a road trip is a lot more work
than showing up for a school field trip, and this
realization may soon diminish its appeal. It will
certainly bring the trip down from the stratosphere
to a more realistic plane.
2. Follow a progression plan.
Like any other skill, independent traveling is best
learned in steps. Teenagers who have been given independence
incrementally are far more capable of taking a safe
road trip than those who have never traveled without
their parents or been responsible for any travel planning.
A reasonable progression plan works something
like this. First the parents take a few short overnight
trips without the teenager to see whether she can
handle herself without adult supervision. Next, the
parent and child take a daytrip together and the child
does most or all of the driving. The parent can observe
whether the driving skills of the child are up to
the task of an extended trip. (It can be useful to
have any other would-be drivers participate in this
driving exercise as well.) In the next stage, the
teen goes on solo overnight trips to visit family
or friends who live out of town. After that, she takes
a couple of weekend trips. From there, it's fairly
easy to progress to longer excursions with a mutual
comfort level.
As part of any progression plan, make
sure your teen learns basic road trip skills like
how to read maps, how to make motel reservations and
how to call for roadside assistance. When you take
family road trips, make sure your teen helps plan
the itinerary and helps decide what sights to see.
Then, when he sets out on his first trip without you,
have him take the Road
Trip Compatibility Quiz and encourage him to discuss
the results with his would-be travel mates.
3. Set up communications. I generally
recommend that you call your road tripper at a specified
time each day. Alternatively, you can arrange for
your teen to call home every time she fills up the
gas tank (on most road trips this happens at least
once a day).
Cell phones make keeping in touch easy
in some ways, but frustratingly problematic in others.
It's all too easy for a kid to ignore your ring tone
when he doesn't want to report on his day's escapades.
For this reason, it's wise to obtain the cell numbers
of some of your teenager's friends - i.e., kids who
are not on the trip. If you think you're being ignored
and you really must get in touch with your teen, have
one of these friends place the call. Unless your kid
really is incommunicado, this technique should work
-- at least once!
4. Put safety first. Make sure that your teen
has access to the American Automobile Association
(AAA) or another emergency roadside service and that
he knows how to obtain the services. Make sure that
everyone on the trip accepts and uses the buddy system
and that no one goes anywhere alone without at least
one other person knowing his plans.
Introduce the idea of "safety notes."
Safety notes are two or three sentences written on
an index card or in a designated notebook that briefly
state the group's plans whenever they are away from
the car for a couple of hours or more. For example,
"Joe, Dean and I are meeting Jill and Larry at
the Handlebar restaurant and will be back at 10 p.m.
Jill: 213-555-4378, Larry: 818-555-5675." The
notes are left in the glove compartment of the car.
In the unlikely event that the road trippers do not
return to the car, law enforcement officers have an
idea where to start looking for them. I recommend
that everyone -- whether they are 17 or 99
-- leave a safety note when leaving a vehicle to go
hiking or biking in the backcountry.
5. Decide where to stay. Since
the cost of any trip is always a concern, I generally
recommend that roadtrippers of all ages plan a mix
of motel rooms and camping for their overnight stays.
But I would also suggest that you encourage young
road trippers to have motel reservations for at least
a couple of nights so you can make sure they are progressing
as planned and that everyone is getting along. If
they are under 18 years old, it can be challenging
for them to rent a motel room. These younger travelers
may fare better by staying with relatives or friends.
6. Brush up on the law. Just about
every state and province in North America has rules
and regulations that affect young travelers. Some
municipalities enforce stringent curfews and have
varying definitions of the term "responsible
adult." Nearly every state prohibits underage
individuals from driving other youngsters during certain
times of the day and night. Further, many states are
adopting laws that impose penalties on parents if
their children are involved in vehicular accidents.
It is critical that parents be aware of the differences
in such rules when their children cross state lines.
Since most children are protected under their parents'
car insurance umbrella policies, it is important to
ensure that these policies will be enforceable if
an accident occurs when the parent is not on the trip.
7. Check your equipment. Make
sure the road trip vehicle has been checked out by
a mechanic and that it is equipped with a full complement
of road
trip essentials. These items can be placed in
plastic containers and labeled as "Sanitary Supplies,"
"Food," "Safety Supplies," "Automotive
Tools," etc., to make them easy to find in a
hurry.
Also ensure that there are current and
accurate maps in the vehicle, and consider having
the kids take a CB
radio and GPS receiver. Make sure the road trippers
know how to change a tire and make them do it in the
driveway before they leave. Ditto for tire chains
if snowy weather is possible.
Finally, consider whether to equip the
vehicle with an embedded GPS device that would allow
you to track the vehicle's position in real time.
I have field tested some of
these units, and they are remarkably accurate.
But if you feel you must monitor your child in this
way, it may be better to veto the trip in the first
place. Knowing exactly where your teenager is at every
moment does not actually promote safety, and it can
easily heighten suspicion and increase anxiety. In
my opinion, it's better to wait until a child is ready
for independent travel and then keep in touch by traditional
methods.
When I was a kid, I thought that every
other kid took road trips all the time. As an adult,
I know that the actual incidence of teenage road trips
is very low. While parental anxiety is understandable,
preparing your teenagers to take independent road
trips can be a wonderful and memorable part of their
journey to independence.
Mark
Sedenquist
March 19, 2006
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